I asked OpenAI's Chat GPT "Tell me a story about a chair that wants to be burned for New Year's" - due to our annual tradition, which came about in an absurd story all its own, and this is what I got back:
"Once, there was a chair that lived in a cozy little cottage. It had spent many years providing comfort to the family that lived there, but as the years went by, it began to feel as though it had served its purpose. It started to dream of being burned in a grand bonfire on New Year's Eve, just like the one that the villagers held every year.
The chair knew that it would have to wait until the end of the year to make its wish come true, but as the days ticked by, it grew more and more excited. It couldn't wait to see the sparks fly and feel the heat of the flames.
Finally, the day of the bonfire arrived and the chair was placed in the center of the pile. It was surrounded by old logs and branches, and as the villagers lit the fire, the chair felt a sense of joy and excitement it had never known before.
As the flames licked at its legs and engulfed its body, the chair felt a sense of freedom and release that it had never experienced before. It closed its eyes and let out a sigh of contentment as it surrendered itself to the fire.
And when the flames finally died down and the ashes cooled, all that remained was a pile of charred wood and a sense of peace and satisfaction that the chair had finally found its true purpose in life."
It's absurdly trite, but also perfectly acceptable - if you told me an overworked dad told this story to his child I would 100% believe it.